oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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