Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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