Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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