Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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