Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
