i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
