when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
