She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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