Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
