I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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