She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
