i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
