OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
