dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
