she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
