I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
