capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
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SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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