I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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