your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
