soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
