You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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