Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
