R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
