thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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