Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
