The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
