put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
