my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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