My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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