Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
