the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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