Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
