Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Less talking, more tequila
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
