Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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