just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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