I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
