A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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