I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
