I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
