I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
