I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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