I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
