Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
