Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
