just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
