Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
