dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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