A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
