I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
