I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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