dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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