i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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