Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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