If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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