He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
