I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I party with great urgency now.
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