soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize