Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
