im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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