my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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