At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
