yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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