Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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