I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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