They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
