I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
