you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
