No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
