I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
