Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
