His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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